My Family Is Concerned I’m Not Reacting Enough

My family is waiting for me to react. React to being diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.

I have been going about my day-to-day as usual. Lucy makes a sweet puppy growl to let me know she wants to go out—at 5 am. Jack wakes up when he hears me fumbling around for my flip flops and clipping Lucy’s leash on her collar. Lucy greets her best friend, Jack, with an eager, shaking butt and wagging tail. We all go downstairs and outside. The sun is coming up. The sky is orange and pink. Today it was chilly out for August. It felt like Fall.

Back inside, I fill Lucy’s bowls and give Jack a cup of OJ and some mini muffins; cut up a peach. I pack lunch for us. We play with Lucy and get dressed and leave the house. I drop Jack off at camp and kiss him so much, he pushes me away: “MOM!!!”

I drive to work.

Work.

I recently, accepted a freelance in-house job with Health Monitor magazine. The office is 25 minutes from my home. My family is extremely confused why I took this job, considering I’m having my thyroid removed in 8 days. I disclosed to my boss what was going on with me and also disclosed I needed a job to pay for my health ins. And of course I freelance for glamour.com, redbookmag.com, YahooTravel and other places, but I have a child and a puppy that eats a lot of expensive organic, grain-free dog food. I was hired and I’ll have off for my surgery, recovery and come back. Back to work.

But I might need to take a radiation pill based on what Dr. Cohen finds inside me and that is going to suck. Jack and Lucy are not permitted to live with me for a week because of the significance of this treatment. And of course, my dad will take them to his home and they will come back spoiled and Lucy will prob sample her first meatball (NO DAD!). So, I’ll be out of work some more if that happens … but it’s OK.

I’m calm. Centered. And focusing on what needs to get done before I have surgery. I need to work at Health Monitor magazine. File a story with NJ Family magazine. Hunt down freelance money that is owed to me.

Buy some new pillows, a cozy throw for my bedroom at home, candles. Stock up on soft foods like Greek yogurt and green juices and fruits I can puree.

I need to finish writing a letter to my son, that I will seal and give to my dad to give to him if something happens to me, but I know I’ll be OK.

And I need to enjoy my son, my puppy, my family and my friends. I need to drink some wine, eat some food, go dancing and kiss a guy.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever react to this. This is something that happened to me. And I’m not in control. So, I’m just gonna relax and look at the pretty sky at dawn and my little boy in Ninja Turtle PJ pants walking his puppy and giggling when he picks up her massive poop. That’s all I can do, right?

 

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3 Responses to “My Family Is Concerned I’m Not Reacting Enough”

  1. JudyC says:

    Right, that’s all you can do. Keep your normal and ask your loved ones to keep everything normal. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year . She is doing fine now but will be checked every three months. A friend gave me the “normal” advice. I’m so glad she told me that because that’s all my daughter needed…..normal.

  2. says:

    Sounds like you have a super attitude going into the surgery. Also, many kudos for your new boss. You were honest with him and he hired you knowing that you’d be recovering from major surgery. That says a lot about how much he wanted you for the job! You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. etrets says:

    Glad your son still giggles and wants to pick up the massive dog poop….kudos to you for keeping yourself centered in the midst of the storm. Everyone processes at their own speed. You are lucky to have family and friends around when you are ready to turn to them.

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