The Fault In My Stars?

Hello! I hardly ever blog here and see this site more as informational and a place to showcase my work. That said, I wanted to share some news because, well, that’s what over-sharers like me do! And I always aim to share important stories that I believe might help someone else out there going through a similar event.

Yikes, here goes …

A few months ago I saw a brand new GP for a routine physical. Upon examination, she discovered a lump in my neck. Yeah. So, she sent me for an ultrasound and the results of that produced a 4+ centimeter (considered large) mass covering the entire right side of my thyroid. That’s when sh*t starting happening at warp speed!

Next, I got to have a super fun needle aspiration biopsy. Honestly, though, it didn’t really hurt. The doc numbed the area up (quick bee sting pinch) and proceeded to insert a giant needle—I decided not to look at—to extract fluid from the site. It took about 20 minutes. The staff was nice. I was on valium thinking about how I never rode in a hot air balloon, went to Greece or got married. On the way home, my dad bought me the most delicious strawberry milkshake I’d ever sipped. I look forward to many, many more.

Next, I got a CT with contrast. “You’re going to feel like you’re peeing,” said the CT tech. “But you’re not.” Awesome. And he was right. When the machine slid me in, under the open-ended tube, it was one of those movie moments. I was all alone looking up at the encasing, remembering Jack’s birth, drinking beer in Rittenhouse Park with my college friends, eating delicious ham and cheese sandwiches in Paris with my friend, Lo, making flower leis with Jack in Hawaii. I was thinking all the things. All.The.Things.

My eyes burned, but there were no tears to cry. I think I’ve cried them all up over the years. Mostly, I was mad.

All of the tests were read and studied by all the important people and I have abnormal cells surrounding and on my thyroid otherwise know as Cancer. Yeah. It’s been really fabulous working with my shitty insurance on the mandatory surgery and treatment I need—talk about stressful. Stressful on top of, you know, the BIG C. And raising a nearly 7-year-old boy, solo, and oh yeah, we recently got a pure bred Golden Retriever puppy, Lucy. Storked! readers, remember how I vowed to get a GR. It happened. She’s a ball of love and heaven-sent.

In a few weeks, my doc is set to remove the right side of my thyroid. While I’m on the table, under, his team is going to perform a quick test to see if what he removed is contained. If not, he’s going to remove the entire gland and determine if I need radiation treatment. Regardless everything that is removed will go to pathology for definite testing and black and white results.

And I get a scar in the crease line of my neck, that I’m not at all worried about. I mean, hello, I have a Spinal Fusion scar. My doc tells me I may also have a “breathy” voice afterwards, which is prob better than the hoarse voice I currently have, a result of the tumor pressing up against my vocal cords and shoving my trachea in a place it’s not supposed to be. And maybe breathy voice really means, sexy.

I’m surprisingly calm and mostly annoyed. I’ve been freelancing a lot (which is such a hustle) and enjoying the summer with Jack and Lucy. Speaking of Jack—I explained that mommy has a boo-boo in her neck and some cool doctors are going to help me, which means he gets all-access to his uncles and grandparents while I take care of me.

If you’ve followed my writing all these years, you know that this is just another bump in the road for me. Another journey, I’m forced to travel.

K, guys, need to run for now, but before I do, I urge anyone reading to feel their necks. I never checked my neck for lumps, only my breasts. I wish I had, because it might have explained the exhaustion, weight gain, then extreme weight loss (that I kind of welcomed!), lack of appetite and anxiety. And all the feelings.

Oh, oh, oh, oh … and the next person, doctor, living thing that tells me I have “the good Cancer,” is getting slapped. Hard. This is not good. This sucks.

XO, Chrissy

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19 Responses to “The Fault In My Stars?”

  1. lh303030 says:

    I am so sorry to hear this. I love reading your work and you are so honest and inspirational. Please keep your readers updated. I will be praying for you and Jack

  2. Julienjay says:

    So sorry to hear. Thinking of you in this time.

  3. says:

    You’re such a strong woman. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. All will be okay!

  4. LisaM says:

    Thinking of you! Thanks for capturing and sharing this moment, as you so beautifully do all the time, for women everywhere. Good luck!!

  5. diablita says:

    you will PREVAIL! you’re in my prayers .

  6. diablita says:

    you’ll PREVAIL!

  7. darcy.stillman says:

    So sorry Christine. “Good Cancer” is a crock of sh*t. I am sending you strength and hugs. I recently had a cancer scare and had the needle aspiration too. Not fun. Jack is so luck he has such a role model in you. xo Darcy

  8. r5cmtr says:

    Hi Christine:
    I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I had my thyroid and many lymph nodes removed 6 years ago and received the radioactive iodine treatment (my first son, just a few months older than yours, was just turning one). My condition has never totally resolved – they can’t tell me it’s there, but it’s not totally gone either. But while the experience has changed my outlook on a lot of things I find myself too busy with my kids to really dwell on it. I get nervous again with every ultrasound and almost don’t believe it when they tell me they have no evidence of recurrence – I steel myself for bad news. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that things work out 100 percent ok for you. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions, etc. I am happy to help.

    - Michelle

  9. tmrodgers23 says:

    Sorry you have to go through this craziness. I am currently actually going through the same thing and am having surgery one week from today. Good luck to you!

  10. Mom says:

    Don’t mourn never having gotten married. Think of that as a smart choice! It’s the biggest regret of my life. Best of luck to you in with this new chapter in your journey. Another bead in the necklace of life :)

  11. Gigisamsam says:

    You.will.prevail.

  12. chriscop says:

    Thanks my loves!

  13. doublechindiary says:

    Love ya and rooting for ya from California, Christine. I’m walking 60 miles in November in honor of cancer survivors and you can bet your name is going on my shirt. You got this. <3 xo

  14. sdesde says:

    so sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you & wishing only good things for you and your gorgeous family!

  15. etrets says:

    Sending love to you, Jack, and Lucy, and good wishes for a speedy recovery. As much as you’re right, this IS just a bump in the road, still your strength is inspiring.

  16. Patty12 says:

    I’ve been following your writings since you had Jack. You will beat this–although we’ve never met, I know you are one strong cookie. You and Jack are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong!

  17. Seidperson says:

    I came right over here to read this after I saw your Facebook post. You are one of the strongest women I know, and while I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have this to deal with I know you will, with humor and grace. Thyroid cancer is usually very treatable. So, there’s that. And the many, many people who will be rooting for you, sending good-health vibes your way. We all adore you and the wonderful person and mother you are.

  18. cathytemple says:

    Sending you loads and loads of courage and faith and strength! You are a strong momma… Keep your head high and accept all the help that comes your way. Best!

  19. Llown says:

    There is nothing worse than the whole “good cancer” spiel! Cancer is cancer! And any type of cancer will forever change your life. I woke up one day thinking I had strep throat (so I had hoped). It was painful, couple trips to the ER and nothing came of it. Went to see an ENT, he did a FEW more FNA and everything came back ok. I had a mass (same size as your’s) though and asked to have it removed because it hurt. Went under the knife, the plan was just take the left side and the mass. Went back the following week for my post op appointment…CANCER! 8 FNAS and a biopsy while I was still under and it was all negative. Back I went the next week to have my right side removed. My dr had hoped to avoid it because then it’s a lifetime of meds and feeling like you aren’t yourself anymore. However I just had my yearly ultrasound and the results are “as good as it gets”. 3 years cancer free! While I hope that you do not require RAI, if you should, I will be interested in hearing your journey with that. I’ve sought out a couple of Thyca groups and a young adult cancer group and it just helped to vent and know I wasn’t alone. I still have moments where it’s like wow, I’m a cancer patient. (Watching Chasing Life doesn’t help!) But then I tell myself I’m lucky, it could always be worse. But the fear never goes away. You’ll be fine and you’ll kick cancers ass! You’ll have a whole new appreciation for life and your own body! Nobody knows you better than you. Best of luck on your journey, you’ll be better before you know it.

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